An Open Letter to Rob Zombie

Dude: I’m sad.

I can’t tell you how excited I was to learn of you doing a new movie, and a remake off Halloween, no less.  What a wicked vehicle to show off your non-traditional directing [read: creepy as hell] and innovative scariness.  I’ve been wondering what happened to you since House of 1000 Corpses and The Devil’s Rejects

Tonight was the first time I went to a move because I loved the director.

Alas, Rob, you’ve let Hollywood get into your head.
I was optimistic in the first scenes, and jittery with Sheri Moon-iness…. “Special” appearances of  some of the rest of your crew kept me thinking the movie was going to turn around…

All I feel is ripped off. You cheated me out of the action scenes with camera jitter and panning away from the action.  Anyone can make a crowd scream with a Bogey Man popping out from behind a door.  That’s not the Rob Zombie I know.

Nothing says real terror more than having to run through a field in a bunny costume. Now that was some good horror directing. I’m not even kidding. I still get uncomfortable thinking about those damn bunny outfits.

I sat in an audience of 14 year olds, just waiting for them to beg to get out of the theatre, terrified by what you were going to show them about the real world of horror.  Instead, I felt like I was stuck in a Hilary Duff concert.  Teenagers screaming, and a production that was simply badly produced with mass media appeal.

I wonder though, in the IMDB, Halloween is rated R, but in my Canadian theatre, it was just 14A…. perhaps all the good stuff is still to come?  Is there an unrated version that you are going to save for the folks who appreciate you? Are Canadians just tougher than Americans (ok, I jest, sort of)

Dare I even think about trying Grindhouse?